


Through Me You Go

by monicawoe



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst Sam Winchester, Blood Drinking, Churches & Cathedrals, Episode: s04e04 Metamorphosis, Episode: s04e16 On the Head of a Pin, Episode: s04e21 When the Levee Breaks, Episode: s04e22 Lucifer Rising, F/M, Lucifer's Cage, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Sam 'Boy King of Hell' Winchester, Sam Winchester's Demonic Powers, Season/Series 03, Season/Series 04, Withdrawal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2012-11-19
Packaged: 2017-11-19 00:56:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monicawoe/pseuds/monicawoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She’d met Sam Winchester today. The Boy King. The man Lucifer had chosen above all others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through Me You Go

 

  
“Why him?” Ruby asked. Her question echoed off the chapel walls and she listened, waiting for an answer. She’d met Sam Winchester today. The Boy King. The man Lucifer had chosen above all others. “I don’t understand.”

She hung her head, closed her eyes, and waited for guidance.

 

*

With Azazel gone, Lilith took over as her mentor. She told Ruby exactly what to do. She told her what to tell Sam about his powers, and more importantly,  _when_. The day Lilith sent the Hellhounds to claim Dean, she let Ruby watch as Sam stood his ground, as he  _withstood_  Lilith’s power. It wasn’t just for show — her light would have flayed any other human. But not Sam.

They left him there, alive and intact, holding his dead brother in his arms.

*

Ruby knew she had to handle Sam delicately. With Dean gone, he was teetering on the brink of sanity. Too eager to die, and too miserable to function. She had to change her tactics. She knew what lay ahead for him, knew that Dean would come back, and that angels would walk the Earth. They would recruit Dean and they would betray Sam. They would do everything to turn Dean against Sam, and when that happened, she had to be the one left standing by his side. She had to be sure that when he fell, it would be into her arms.

As it turned out, getting him to fall wasn’t the hard part. It was easy.

“Ruby,” he said, and her name was a curse. “Why are you doing this?”

She moved her hips again more insistently and brought her mouth back onto his, silencing him for the moment. He’d gotten more talkative since she’d cut him off from alcohol. But he’d gotten angrier too, and that she could use. She pulled back and looked at him — the slope of his wide shoulders, his parted lips and his eyes bright with anguish in the darkness. She leaned forward over his shoulder, finding the spot right by his neck that made him shudder, that made him give in. She bit down and he moaned, pushing up into her as he pressed her body closer to his with one strong arm. His skin was salty and she ran her tongue across the surface, moving up the side of his throat. Then she bit down again, relishing the noises he made, moans turning to growls.

He grabbed her hair, pulling her mouth away from him and tugged down roughly until her back arched. He bent his head over her shoulder, and then  _he_  bit down.

Ruby cried out. Pain was always more enjoyable in a human body. Torture in Hell went straight to the soul but up here, flesh was king. She’d missed being tangible; she’d missed this.

As he pushed into her harder, she brought her arms around his waist. He was still mouthing at her throat, leaving a dark bruise that she could heal in a matter of seconds if she wanted, but wouldn’t. She ran her hands over the tight muscles of his back and ran them down his spine. Then she curled her fingertips into the thin skin and pushed her nails down hard until they broke through.

Sam growled, low and deep and bit down harder until her skin split open under his teeth. He paused for a moment, his whole body frozen, and then his tongue tentatively traced its way across her bleeding skin.

Ruby gasped as Sam pulled harder, opening the wound wider. She moaned in the thrill of triumph. Getting him to taste her blood had been the biggest hurdle. One drop would be enough to make him want more — Azazel had seen to that.

The hardest part of her job was done, and she’d never even tried to talk him into it. Well, she’d mentioned it once and only once when he was too drunk to move. He failed to pull a demon, felt sorry for himself and got lost in the bottle. After watching him slump lower and lower down the wall she told him flat out: “Things don’t have to be this hard. If you drink my blood, it’ll make you stronger than you can imagine.”

He stared at her and laughed. Then he slipped into pure rage from one moment to the next the way only humans can, and threw the bottle at her head.

He missed, of course.

*

The next morning, Sam was quiet. More so than usual. His hazel eyes looked just a touch darker. When she let her vision drift, peeked at him out of the corner of her eye she could see the faint shimmer of his power.

He looked at her like he was waiting for something but when she prodded him, he wouldn’t answer. She went out for coffee and when she stepped back into the room, he hadn't moved. He was still sitting on the bed, leaning against the wall and watching her.

She moved in close to hand him his coffee and her hair fell forward, exposing her neck. Sam's eyes locked onto the dark purple bruise he'd left. His breath hitched and his eyes widened just a little.

"Why hasn't that healed?" he asked. His first words to her, that day.

"Because I don't want it to," she answered truthfully. "I like the way it feels."

He frowned and looked down at his hand, pulling on the frayed edge of the worn blanket.

"Do you like the way it feels?" she asked.

Sam stared at her. "What?"

She shook her head, repressing a smirk. "You ready to go pull some demons?"

His eyes narrowed and his lips twitched — a mix of hatred and amusement flickering across his features. Then he stood and grabbed his duffel bag to get dressed.

*

Sam pulled the demon in three seconds flat. Even more importantly for his tenacious sense of morality, the host survived.

They brought the man to the closest hospital, driving the whole way in silence. Only afterwards did she ask Sam, "How do you feel?"

"Good."

"Headache?"

"Barely. Nothing compared to what I used to get.” He glanced over to her quickly, not even meeting her eyes before looking back at the road. "It was easy this time."

She nodded. "It'll keep getting easier. Especially if you..." she chose her next words carefully. "If you keep doing whatever needs to be done."

He didn't answer her, but he didn't have to. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he was considering it.

*

“He’s learning,” she told Lucifer, whispering to the empty chapel in Ilchester, where she knew he could hear. “He’s getting stronger.” She watched the candlelight dance along the walls, making the stained glass windows glow softly. “But he doesn’t trust me.”

*

  
They made a game of it. Okay, maybe she considered it a game and Sam was simply trying to slow his fall, but whatever the case — she was enjoying herself.

That first week after he tasted her blood, they trained hard. They took down a demon every night. And every night, Ruby would offer him more in one way or another. She cut her finger opening a can of soda, she pulled Sam’s head down to her throat after he kissed her, she left her knife lying on the pillow and toyed with it when he laid down next to her. But he didn’t take more, not until six days later when it started wearing off.

They trapped the demon easily enough, but when Sam tried to pull it, he struggled. She could practically see his pain as he groaned, pulling harder and harder until blood started to drip from his nose. The demon started to taunt him when Sam lost his hold for a moment. Ruby moved towards the demon with her knife, but Sam shook his head. His anger fueled his power and he pulled the demon after all, sending it down to Hell with the last of his strength. He collapsed to the floor, panting. She had to help him back to the car.

When they got close to the car, he pulled away from her furiously and unlocked the doors. She slid into the passenger seat and watched him, tiny flickers of his power dancing inside of him, an aftereffect of pulling the demon.

“This can’t happen,” he said as he slammed the door of the Impala shut.

“What can’t?”

“I can’t backtrack, I can’t—“ He wrapped his fingers around the steering wheel tight enough to turn his knuckles white. “I need to get strong enough to kill Lilith, I can’t afford to get weaker.”

“No, you can’t. So stop acting like what I’m offering is a bad thing.”

“Ruby, it’s blood! It’s  _demon_  blood. It’s a very bad thing, by definition.”

“It’s my blood. Mine.” She put her hand on his knee gently. “You’re not hurting anyone, Sam. I want the same thing you do.”

He shook his head and chewed on his lip. “How much will it take? To get strong enough to take Lilith down?”

“A lot. And we have to go slowly.” The first part was true, the second wasn’t. Not exactly.  _She_  had to make sure he went slow, because otherwise…well otherwise he might start learning all kinds of tricks, and then her whole plan would be toast. Controlled release — that was the only way this would work.

*

That night he drank twice what he’d taken the first time. When they fucked afterwards, he grabbed her wrists so tightly, one of her bones snapped.

Over the next three days they captured and questioned eight demons and Sam sent them all back to Hell. He never got tired, he never complained about pain, and the next time Ruby offered him her blood, he took it without hesitation.

It was going so well, better than expected. Until Dean showed up at their hotel room door.

*

She’d thought that was the end of it, at first. The way he looked at Dean, like his whole world made sense again. The way he shed his sorrow like an old snakeskin, and the way he smiled — real and warm, like he never had for her.

But even with Dean back, he still came to her. He came to the diner that night, pulled the demon there faster than he ever had, and he told her he wanted to keep going. He still wanted Lilith dead, and he still wanted to take down any demons he could. He wanted to keep training with her, they just had to be smart about it. He’d tell Dean when he was ready. Like he’d ever be ready.

Even though he left her to go back to his brother, she knew she still had him

He came back to see her whenever he could — sneaking out while Dean slept. She could see the shame creeping back into his eyes. It had disappeared weeks ago, but Sam’s overblown sense of morality had been resurrected along with his brother.

It got a lot worse when Dean found them — watched Sam exorcise a demon. He was livid, took his anger out on her. If it hadn’t been for Sam interfering, she would have broken his nose just to teach him some humility, but of course that wouldn’t have helped things with Sam any. Instead, she let them be, let Sam wallow in his guilt.

*

 

Sometimes, if she prayed hard enough, Lucifer answered. She said nothing that night, just sat in the darkness and listened.

And then He spoke,  _”You are with him always, as I am. Your blood is in his. He will come back. Have faith.”_

*

She came by once and only once to give Sam a flask of her blood. Turns out it was just in time.

The Winchesters faced off against Samhain, an ancient and immensely powerful demon two witches had raised (breaking yet another seal). Sam took him down — a considerable feat considering Samhain was nearly on par with Lilith.

Ruby knew what had happened, whispers in Hell telling her of Samhain’s death before Sam called to tell her. He ended the call by saying, “I did the right thing. No matter what Dean thinks. We wouldn’t be alive if I hadn’t done it.” That didn’t change the fact that he was dead-set on not taking anymore of her blood.

Even when Alistair started to come after them, even after she offered herself up as bait and led the master torturer back to the angels. Even then Sam refused, clinging to his humanity so desperately she almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

*

 

“He’s afraid,” she told Lucifer. “He doesn’t want to be what you need him to be.”

A cold wind blew through the chapel, stroking against her cheek softly like icy fingers.  _“He is already exactly what I need him to be.”_

*

It was the case in Sioux City, of all things, that brought him running back to her. After she tracked him down to remind him about the seals Lilith was breaking, she’d left, frustrated that he still wasn’t budging and then out of nowhere, he called her back — something about not wanting to still be a hunter when he was an old man.

_Don’t worry,_  she thought. One way or the other, you’re not going to grow old.

*

Then Alistair came back. He had to, of course, to break a seal only someone like him could break. But the angels caught him, and — inept as they were — they brought Dean in to question Alistair. To torture him.

It presented the perfect opportunity for her. Not only was Sam furious at the angels, but he had finally convinced himself that it was his turn to be the protector. Dean couldn’t do it anymore, so Sam had to step up. And he did. He drank deeply, more than he’d ever taken. With every pull, he grew stronger until Ruby could feel him digging into her — not her borrowed flesh, but  _her_.

When he left, he was practically humming with power. She could see it inside of him — angry red, streaks of black and gold around the edges. Even his eyes looked darker.

She felt it the moment Alistair died, his metaphysical death knell sending ripples of energy out for miles.

Sam called her, hours later.

“I did it.”

“That’s good. That’s really good Sam, it means you’re almost ready to—”

“Dean’s hurt.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Dean’s hurt and Castiel won’t lift a finger to help him.”

Sam’s anger was palpable, even from miles away. It was good that he was losing his patience with the angels. That would make things a whole lot easier. “But you killed Alistair. The only one stronger than him is Lilith. Sam, I’m so proud of you.”

“It was easy.” Sam scoffed. “It was so easy, Ruby. I felt so damn strong, so powerful.” He laughed bitterly. “But Dean’s in a hospital with tubes jammed down his throat, and I can’t do a thing about it. Tell me you know a spell, something — anything that can help heal him.”

She sighed. “Hell is death. It’s destruction. We kill, we destroy. We can heal the bodies we take, but that’s it. No matter how strong you get, you’ll never be able to heal the kind of damage Dean took. I can’t fix him. And neither can you.”

Sam hung up without saying another word.

*

 

The chapel was filled with candles and littered with empty beer cans. Some teens had come in on a dare, convincing themselves they weren’t scared. Until Ruby walked in and the large wooden cross on the wall started spinning, slowly. They fled, screaming.

It had taken her nearly twenty minutes to clean up their trash. Idiots.

She laid down on one of the pews pushed against the side wall, and looked up at the curved and cob-webbed ceiling. “He cares too much.”

Lucifer laughed, making the candle-flames flicker.  _“So did I.”_

*

When Dean locked Sam in the panic room, he did it because he was afraid for his brother. She watched him outside, screaming at Heaven, demanding Castiel and the other angels come and fix this. As if the angels ever fixed anything.

She laid her head against the grate covering the panic room, listening to Sam scream. She could feel his pain — the few drops of her blood still inside him sending shivers through her mind as his body tore itself apart. He cried out for her and she left, her heart aching far more than it should.

*

She sought solace in the chapel, kneeling in front of the upside-down cross. “I care for him,” she confessed.

_”Of course you do. He’s very special.”_

“I don’t want him to suffer.”

_”His suffering is unfortunate, but a necessity. When he comes back to you, he’ll be ready.”_

She bowed her head lower and kissed the floor. It wouldn’t be much longer now. In a few days, her God would walk the Earth. And she would walk beside Him.

 

*

 

Sam got free, as she knew he would. His voice was shaky on the phone — desperate and weak. She took her time getting to him, making sure that he’d be near the breaking point when she got there. The hungrier he was for what she had to offer, the easier it would go.

He lost his patience with her quickly, and sliced her arm open himself. It was the first time he’d ever done that. He was starving.

His need was so overwhelming, that he didn’t stop — not once — until he’d had his fill. He nearly drained her dry before he fell asleep, his lips still stained red with her blood.

She watched him as he slept, traced the path of her blood through his veins. His power drank hers in, his self-imposed shackles falling away. It amazed her every time, watching him shift from mostly human into something so much greater. Sometimes she thought that if he could only see what she saw — if he really knew what his soul looked like, he’d stop trying to rein himself in. Stop pretending.

When he woke and saw her watching him, she told him about Lilith, and about Cindy the nurse.

One of the things that had aggravated her so much about Sam in the beginning was his sympathy. He didn’t want to hurt people. Demons, of course, were another story entirely.

They’d captured Lilith’s chef, and the nurse she was wearing. Sam dug into her soul over and over, until she screamed, begging for him to stop.

Ruby was proud of how far he’d come. Until the demon let Cindy’s soul take over. All the progress Sam had made fell away and his face crumpled, overwrought with guilt.

They’d come too far though. Even Sam knew that.

In the end though, it was Dean who pushed Sam over the edge. It had to be. He had to give up on Sam, for Sam to give up on himself.

She felt the brush of angelic power right before Sam played back Dean’s voicemail. As he listened, his shoulders dropped, his breath hitched, and she knew exactly what they’d done. Angels could be just as manipulative as demons.

Sam’s eyes were still glassy when he drank Cindy down. Ruby watched him closely, making sure he wouldn't have a last-second change of heart. He only pulled back once to catch his breath as his power crested. Lightning crashed overhead, and rain started to fall.

Two miles away, from inside the chapel, Lilith laughed as she watched Sam through Ruby’s eyes.  _I knew you were the best choice,_  she whispered.  _Well done._

When they walked into the chapel, Ruby had to fight the urge to grin. She was so close,  _he_  was so close. They were minutes away from her triumph. Everything she’d worked for would finally pay off. Lucifer would return, and the world would be theirs.

Sam’s senses, heightened by the blood, picked up on Lilith’s dozen guards and he killed them with a thought. Twelve corpses fell to the floor as one just as he and Ruby turned the corner. Lilith stood in the sanctuary watching them and closed the door.

Lucifer’s voice echoed in her mind, closer than ever.  _Thank you, my child. Your faith will be rewarded._

She smiled then, looking to Sam just in time to see him throw open the door. He sent Lilith crashing back against the altar.

It didn’t take much to get him to strike. He was saturated with power and Lilith would have gone down easy.

If Dean hadn’t shown up to interrupt.

Sam was thrown by his brother’s voice — so sure that the voicemail would be the last words he’d ever hear from Dean — that he faltered.

Ruby screamed, terrified that Dean would ruin everything, but Lilith knew exactly what to do. Sam, despite all his power, was still human. All it took was the right taunt, the right word to get him back on track. Freak. Monster.

He gave in completely and burned Lilith to nothingness. The last tumbler clicked into place as her death broke the final seal. She fell forward, her blood spilling onto the chapel floor, as Ruby watched with reverence. She told Sam what he’d done, what  _she’d_  done, and he stuttered in disbelief, unable to accept the truth.

He felt betrayed, he tried to kill her, but she wasn’t angry. She knew he’d be angry. He wouldn’t be Sam otherwise. It didn’t matter, of course. Lucifer was free. He was coming, and he would see her there, with Sam. They would stand by his side as he made the world his, and everything they’d suffered through would be worth it.

Sam would forgive her, because how could he not? She had given him everything.

Everything.

Dean crashed through the door, and Sam held her tight as her own knife sliced her open. She wasn’t frightened, she wasn’t even surprised, not really. She dropped to the cold floor as the final piece of her tattered soul caught fire. She fell facing the doorway, and the last thing she saw, the very last thing, was Lucifer’s light pouring out into the world.

She wouldn’t get to witness His return, but she’d done her part. She had given Him Sam.

  
_I understand,_  she thought, and she closed her eyes.


End file.
